Post by NPC on Jun 3, 2012 10:58:26 GMT -5
HOLD ON--!
Minato being twenty-two years old and attempting to study in high school as a senior following all of the events of the game doesn't make much sense. At the end of the game, Minato sacrificed himself to become The Great Seal and keep Nyx and humanity's desire for an end by her hand separate from each other. Before he had to return to his new place, he was given a chance to go back and see his friends one last time. After this business was done, his soul left his body to return to his place between Nyx and humanity's collective consciousness. His body was taken from Gekkoukan High School's rooftop to his room, where it is assumed thanks to The Answer that he was pronounced dead and-- as logic dictates-- was probably buried or cremated. This review of the events aside, Minato coming back as a twenty-two-year old young man and enrolling back in Gekkoukan without much explanation cannot be allowed, as it wouldn't be logical by any means.
Courageous is mentioned in his Positive Traits, but then in his Negative traits is an antonym, "fearful". They cancel each other out, as one cannot be fearless while being fearful. Please choose which one to keep and change the other. Another Negative Trait is "sleepy" which, unless it brings any real problems to how he interacts with others or goes about his daily life, isn't a strong enough flaw.
The Overall Personality, while insightful of what type of silent protagonist Minato is for the game, is not really what we're looking for. What we want is written proof that the person who wants to take this canon knows what type of person the character could be if they were real; it shows that the applicant would be able to play the character in new and real situations presented in the RP, different from the game scenarios. While past actions can point to who a character is and how they behave, we'd rather read about what type of person the character is, instead of getting a report of what they've done in the past.
I'd also like to point out that "carrying around Death" couldn't have really affected Minato in the way that you explained, as he had no idea that that was going on. On a good note, the last part of the second-to-last paragraph and the last paragraph are more of what we want for this section.
The History, Acquaintances/Friends, Rivals/Enemies, Romantic Interest and Other sections are all fine. The Family has the same problem as the Overall Personality. It's nothing major, but since I pointed out the Overall Personality and they're written the same way, I felt like I should point it out.
You must choose a single weapon type, and please try to keep your character's limitations in mind.
When it comes to the Arcana, it'd be nice if you explained anything else that applies to Minato when it comes to The Fool Arcana, other than saying "it's his canon arcana, duh" and listing his actions. There's more to the Arcana, and for the character to belong to it, you need to be able to grasp how it fits; think of it as another way of showing how much you know the character and reassuring us that you'll be able to stay in-character when it's time to roleplay.
Regarding the Persona, since there are no characters with the Wild Card ability, your character is only limited to one Initial and one Ultimate Persona. At the moment, you only need to apply for the Initial Persona by explaining with it fits your character. Are they similar in what's happened to them? Did something happen to the Persona in the myth it is taken from that applies to what the character is currently going through?
Also, even if Orpheus doesn't have canon High Affinities, you need to give him-- at most-- three and then make sure they are matched or surpassed in number by the Low Affinities.
Please make these changes and notify a staff member so we can review your application again.